I moved in with my mom after my father died a little over a year ago. In no way, shape or form did I expect to be living with or taking care of my mother (I use the term loosely because I will always be my mothers’ child and she will always think that she is in charge). I could have not predicted that I would be living with a parent. Change is unexpected and sometimes feared but none the less it happens to each and every one of us. How do you deal with change? Do you accept that things will change? Are you in denial that things will change? Are you in scared that things will change?
Looking back at my life, I think that life has just happened to me. I have been on cruise control, upset about things that happened in the past, angry at people that I felt have wronged me somehow. I have not thought about my present because I have always been looking back. Holding on to… I wish I would have done this different or I wish I didn’t do that, always looking back. I am missing my present because my eyes and thoughts are thinking about the past.
My father is gone now and I will no longer be able to ask him questions about his childhood or stories about him misbehaving as a teenager. I am here with my mother now. I need to be present in the moment and savor every gem of knowledge, story, recipe that she has to share.
Since my mom fell and broke her leg in two places, life once again has changed. It seems that I am to be more present than even before. Sometimes circumstances force you to do things that in the long run are a blessing in disguise. Now I have the time to spend with my mom that forces us to talk about things. Time spent doing mundane tasks bring up memories from the past that I never would have learned from my mom if circumstances were different. I guess that I never really knew my parents as anything other than my parents. My mom enjoyed roller-skating as a child, just as I did. She enjoyed dancing as well, just as I do. She worried about her kids and how they would turn out. I guess I never really took the time to get to know my parents as people. With the circumstances that I have been placed in, I really have seen my mom in a new light. If change didn’t take place, I guess I never would have been able to see my mom in a different role. Looking back, I know that I will not regret the time that I got to spend with my mom getting to know her as a person. I know now that she went through some of the same struggles and triumphs that I am working through being a parent myself. Change really can be a good thing.