Parents Helping Parents of Wyoming State Parenting Center

Do you have a child who complains that he doesn’t have friends or a child that picks friends that you don’t approve of?  How can you help them make better choices?

First, understand your child.  We are all different in unique ways.  You can’t make a square peg fit in a round hole.  Some children are quiet and passive while others are active and assertive.

Some suggestions:

1)      Allow your children to choose their own friends.  (They will anyway)

2)      If your child chooses a friend you don’t like, invite that child into your home often and hope that the love and values you practice will be beneficial to him or her.

3)      If you are afraid a friend you don’t approve of will have a negative influence on your child, focus on being a positive influence through a good relationship with your child.

4)      Don’t worry about whether your child has the right number of friends. 

Planning ahead to prevent future problems

1)       Help children who have difficulty making friends by exposing them to many opportunities, such as trips to the park, Scouts or other youth groups.

2)        Go along with your child’s wishes about clothing styles so he won’t be embarrassed about not fitting in.

3)      Make your home a place where kids love to come because they experience unconditional love, safe and respectful rules, and plenty of fun, child-oriented activities.

Children can learn that their parents are their best friends because they love them unconditionally, value their uniqueness, and have faith in them to choose friends that are right for them.

If your child is consistently choosing friends you do not approve of, look at your relationship with your child.  Are you being too controlling, inviting your child to prove you can’t control everything?  Is your child feeling hurt by your criticism and lack of faith in her and trying to hurt back by choosing friends you don’t like?  Have faith in your children and honor who they are.  Try to make the people your children choose as friends welcome at your home, even if they are not the friends you would choose.  Your children may be making decisions about friends based on how you treat your friends.  Are you acting how you would like your children to act?

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Comments on: "Choosing the “Right” Friends" (1)

  1. Downeychick said:

    Great post! Friends can be such an important part of children lives, and as with all choices, we want our children to choose wisely. I think you have valid points in letting them choose their friends, accepting them into your home and giving them many opportunities to meet friends. I do have a different opinion about parents being their child’s best friend, though. I do feel children can feel all those things mentioned from their parents, but this should come from the place of a parent, instead of a friend. I feel in the younger years (say before college-age), parents should not try to be their child’s friend, but their source of guidance, security and the one that sets the boundaries. Once the child is grown, then you can become friends…my children are two of my best friends!

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