Parents Helping Parents of Wyoming State Parenting Center

Juanita Bybee- PHP Office Manager

I moved in with my mom after my father died a little over a year ago. In no way, shape or form did I expect to be living with or taking care of my mother (I use the term loosely because I will always be my mothers’ child and she will always think that she is in charge). I could have not predicted that I would be living with a parent. Change is unexpected and sometimes feared but none the less it happens to each and every one of us. How do you deal with change? Do you accept that things will change? Are you in denial that things will change? Are you in scared that things will change?

Looking back at my life, I think that life has just happened to me. I have been on cruise control, upset about things that happened in the past, angry at people that I felt have wronged me somehow. I have not thought about my present because I have always been looking back. Holding on to… I wish I would have done this different or I wish I didn’t do that, always looking back. I am missing my present because my eyes and thoughts are thinking about the past.

My father is gone now and I will no longer be able to ask him questions about his childhood or stories about him misbehaving as a teenager. I am here with my mother now. I need to be present in the moment and savor every gem of knowledge, story, recipe that she has to share.

Since my mom fell and broke her leg in two places, life once again has changed.  It seems that I am to be more present than even before. Sometimes circumstances force you to do things that in the long run are a blessing in disguise. Now I have the time to spend with my mom that forces us to talk about things. Time spent doing mundane tasks bring up memories from the past that I never would have learned from my mom if circumstances were different. I guess that I never really knew my parents as anything other than my parents. My mom enjoyed roller-skating as a child, just as I did.  She enjoyed dancing as well, just as I do. She worried about her kids and how they would turn out.  I guess I never really took the time to get to know my parents as people. With the circumstances that I have been placed in, I really have seen my mom in a new light.  If change didn’t take place, I guess I never would have been able to see my mom in a different role. Looking back, I know that I will not regret the time that I got to spend with my mom getting to know her as a person. I know now that she went through some of the same struggles and triumphs that I am working through being a parent myself.  Change really can be a good thing.

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Comments on: "CH CH Changes… Not as scary as it seems" (5)

  1. Blanca Moye said:

    I been in your shoes, since I was a teenager when lost my father, every year is a change but a the end I can said: changes always are good even if at the beginig do not look like that. Now just keep having talks and fun with your mom is a gift!

  2. Ethelyn said:

    Good for you to stop, take a look at your life, and embrace the change, even though it’s not what you wished for. Taking the time to really get to know your mom is something you won’t regret and will bring so many good memories to you and your daughter. I lost my mom in 2005, but was very fortunate that she moved to Cheyenne the year before, so I got to spend lots of time with her. I learned many lessons from her and cherish those times. Glad you are realizing that change can be good 🙂

  3. Jan Jones said:

    Personally, I am almost addicted to CHANGE! I like the furniture moved, the thought of doing something new, the act of moving on in life! I think the ability to accept change can often be viewed as a personality trait. Growing up My family was soooooo secure in their life without change that the simple changes in life often made my mother fret and stew! I can remember not understanding what was the BIG DEAL! I think one needs to embrace small changes. The big changes will come along much easier!

  4. Julie said:

    Thanks for this Juanita- It was a good reminder of what is truly important in life, how change is essential in how we grow as human beings. Your mom is lucky to have you!

  5. Tammy Wilson said:

    I loved this Junaita. I spent alot of my life hating and avoiding change as much as possible. Having a child with disabilities helped me to live in the moment. I learned to accept defeat hers and mine but most important I learned to be very excited with the accomplishment of the day, hour, or even moment again hers and mine. I still cry at my grandchildrens birthdays, and every time one of my preschool classes moves on. It seems to be the rapid passing of time I still do not like. But that also makes me aware if the importantance of living in the moment.

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